Why we got it all wrong when it comes to relationships

Aren’t you tired of the same old advices?
We’ve all heard that men should be machos/bad boys/alphas, and that women should be bitches/bad girls/alphas…
It all sounds nice and dandy… If only relationships worked that way..
Listen, you can’t convince me otherwise! How can you explain the high rate of divorce?
But I do have the secret recipe to turn it around.
Our main culprit? EGO and Society!
We always hear that women love bad boys and that men love bitches.
That is all ego talk! We are victims of society!
In a world constantly filled with ego, we tend to get lost. Lost in a sea of victimhood.
Love you see is no different. And our egos are killing our relationships.
A relationship today is seen as me vs my partner. A relationship is considered just as a means to an end. A relationship is just a way to pamper our egos.

This is all wrong!

A relationship should be about helping each other out. Instead of having this me vs. my partner mentality, we need to start approaching relationships as a how can we help each other.

Today, love is generally explained from one perspective. Love explains to men that they should be alpha males, and love explains to women that they should be alpha females. This is the standard of what relationships should look like.

This comes from an approach of two single people trying to fight with each other, and that is definitely NOT a relationship.
A relationship is when both partners are VULNERABLE, both are helping each other, and both are growing together NOT against each other.
It’s a RELATIONSHIP for screaming out loud !! A RELATIONship , not two SINGLEship !! You are BOTH in it TOGETHER, NOT against each other.
Listen, a lot of what is being said today is for men to be this and women to be that. What should be said is WE are in this TOGETHER, let’s help each other, not fuck each other to make our egos feel better (excuse my language).

Vulnerability is key in a relationship. And Vulnerability applies to both MEN and WOMEN alike. It’s about the man being vulnerable with the woman and the woman being vulnerable with the man. It’s about both partners talking to each other (not at each other) to solve their problems TOGETHER.

Let me give you a short example of a situation where the man and the woman are AGAINST each other:
Let’s call them Jack and Jane.

Jack and Jane are in a relationship and one night, while they are out having drinks Rob (a random guy in the bar) starts flirting with Jane.
Jane feels flattered but Jack becomes jealous.
(The cause of the problem comes from both but I won’t delve into that here.)
Jack and Jane have big egos, and have been taught by society to crave drama. Jane has an entitlement mentality and started to reject Jack because he became too feminine (she doesn’t know that her masculinity is also turning off Jack). This resulted in both playing ‘petty and childish games’, what I call ‘ego games’.

What happened at the bar is a classic (and generic) example where both Jack and Jane let themselves go and instead of facing each other and having a vulnerable heart to heart talk, they let things be, they let time pass. Jane tried to make Jack jealous by subtly inviting Rob to flirt with her (through her body language) and Jack allowed Jane to seek outside help because he was so busy with his problems at work that he neglected her.
Jack and Jane are in stuck in stage 2 of their relationship. There is nothing wrong of being stuck in stages 1 or 2 of relationships but this shows an emotional immaturity and an unwillingness to be vulnerable, to grown, and clearly to be in a deep relationship.
In order to have or be in the type of fairytale relationship everyone craves for, in order to be in stage 3 of relationships, both partners should be mature and willing to grow together.

So instead of playing ego games against each other, both partners start playing games with each other.

You see, Immature couples will try to recreate the sparks each alone (and sometimes with a third party). Mature couples understand that they are in a RELATIONSHIP together and so decide to play together. They decided to take a new language together, create a new project…

The whole point of a relationship is about working TOGETHER. To attain their COMMON objectives, rather than working AGAINST each other or each one alone which would defy the purpose of a relationship.

We hear a lot of ‘EGO LOVE’ (another name for conditional love) today, which is all about focusing on us as individuals rather than ‘Couple Love’ (unconditional growth), which is all about focusing on both us as individuals and us as a couple.

Most of the tips and techniques for love and seduction today are being offered as a means to manipulate or change the other person’s point of view rather than an approach where couples are vulnerable enough to work TOGETHER.

The relationship is not a separate entity they have to nurture, at least, it shouldn’t be.

Don’t take me wrong, I’m all for growing as individuals but not at the expense of growing as a couple. You see, it shouldn’t be black or white. It should be grey! Find out more in my upcoming book ‘The Grey Dance of Love”.

Recent Comments

  • Lina Hamdan
    May 28, 2019 - 9:48 pm · Reply

    Frederic Lenoir spoke about this same love in ‘Le Miracle Spinoza’; it is not about changing the Other but rather about interacting in a way to reach serenity and satisfaction.
    Yes, love is about the inner serenity brought to you by the presence of the other…

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